. . : Real flight announcements, Funny Jokes : : .
. : : Menu : : .


Real flight announcements
Category Aviation Jokes
Total Hits 811
Rating Rating:10 | Voted:1 | voted : 1 times
1 Point 2 Point 3 Point 4 Point 5 Point 6 Point 7 Point 8 Point 9 Point 10 Point
The Joke

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land ... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as Hell everything has shifted." From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines." "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." "Last one off the plane must clean it." And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry ...Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...! Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault.....it was the asphalt!" Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal." After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
> Joke Categories:
Animal Jokes   Animal World   April Fools Jokes   At Work Jokes   Aviation Jokes   Bar Jokes   Blonde Jokes   Blonds Jokes   Business Jokes   Camping Jokes   Celebrities Jokes   Children Jokes   Christmas Jokes   Clean Jokes   Comedian Jokes   Common Jokes   Computer Jokes   Computers Jokes   Computing Jokes   Dirty Jokes   Doctor Jokes   Drunks Jokes   Dumb Jokes   Elderly Jokes   Elderly Jokes   Ethnic Jokes   Ethnical Jokes   Farming Jokes   Festival Jokes   Food Jokes   Foreigners   Free Jokes   Funny Jokes   Gender Jokes   Golf Jokes   Instrument Jokes   Irish Jokes   Job/Office Jokes   Kids Jokes   Language Jokes   Lawyer Jokes   Legal Jokes   Marriage Jokes   Medicine Jokes   Men Jokes   Men Jokes   Military Jokes   Miscellaneous   Mixed Jokes   Mom/Dad Jokes   Other Jokes   Ouch Jokes   Police Jokes   Political Jokes   Politics Jokes   Practical Jokes   Real Jokes   Red Indian Jokes   Redneck Jokes   Relationships Jokes   Religion Jokes   School Jokes   Science Jokes   More Jokes   Situations   Sport Jokes   Sports Jokes   Stats/Math Jokes   Travel Jokes   Travel Jokes   War Jokes   Women Jokes   Women Jokes   Yo Mama Jokes   Sex Jokes  

Render: 0.001 Sec ¦ By AhmBay