Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee: Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Support: "What sort of trouble?" Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.", Support: "Went away?" Customer:"They disappeared." Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Customer: "Nothing." Support: "Nothing?" Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" Customer: "How do I tell?" Support: "Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?" Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?" Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" Customer: "What's a monitor?" Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" Customer: "I don't know." Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" Customer: ......"Yes, I think so." Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." Customer: ......"Yes, it is." Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" Customer: "No." Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Customer: ......"Okay, here it is." Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Customer: "I can't reach." Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" Customer: "No." Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark." Support: "Dark? Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Support: "Well, turn on the office light then." Customer:"I can't." Support: "No? Why not?" Customer: "Because there's a power outage." Support: "A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?" Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." |
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