MORT'S QUICHE -- See below:

The quiche is composed of three elements: pastry, custard and filling. The filling takes the most time and while its bubbling away you can prepare the other stuff. The following is for a 10-11" quiche ring pan. Be sure to use a ring pan, the pastry tends to burn if cooked in a pie pan (it'll taste fine, but looks like hell).

THE FILLING: The filling is composed of three components. Two are cooked (mushrooms and onions), one ( sharp cheddar cheese) is not. The green onions and the mushrooms are cooked in separate pans and then combined later. Clarify a quarter pound of butter. Put about 3/4ths of it into a large frying pan for the mushrooms and the rest in a smaller frying pan for the onions. Sprinkle salt and pepper over the butter and add about a tablespoon for the mushrooms, and about a teaspoon for the onions, of the following (I just pour the stuff from the bottle into the pan): Worchester sauce Soy sauce Teriyaki sauce Then shake a liberal amount ( I'd guess this to be about 1/2 and 1/4 teaspoon, respectively) of CINNAMON (now don't falter here) into each pan. Turn the heat to high and put the mushrooms and onions in their respective pans. You'll need a lot of both because you REALLY cook this stuff down.

THE MUSHROOMS: You'll need one big plastic bag of mushrooms (about soccer ball sized) finely sliced. They'll form a mountain in the pan and some will probably slide off onto the stove. Just keep throwing the 'shrooms in the pan and stir with a wooden fork when possible. Cook until they are very brown and caramelized. You really want to get the moisture out of them. You'll be surprised how much they reconstitute after baking.

THE ONIONS: You'll like the onions because you get to share a beer with them. You'll need about six bunches of medium-sized green onions. Chop into 1/8 " slices all the way back to the chive portion. Cut and reserve a cup of the chives for later garnishing. Brown the onions until they are almost burnt on high heat. Then pour a half of a beer in the pan (pour other half down yourself) and cover for about 5 minutes. Uncover and reduce onions until caramelized. Combine with mushrooms and mix thoroughly for a few minutes. Let this stuff cool while you prepare the pastry and custard.

THE PASTRY: This pastry is pretty fragile. Don't freak out if it tears. You can patch it with egg whites and dough, so don't sweat it. 1 cup flour 1/4 lb butter 2 tablespoons brown sugar 4 egg yokes (reserve egg whites) A little milk as kneaded(excuse me) Put flour in medium sized bowl. Make a dent in the middle and put in eggs yolks. Slice up butter and drop it in. Throw in the brown sugar and dive in. Use one hand, octopus style. Hold off on the milk until the dough is pretty well kneaded. Sometimes I don't use any. When you've got a good ball formed, toss it back and forth and compress between your hands. This warms up the dough and makes it a little easier to roll. Coat well with flour. Make large pile of flour on wax paper or a pastry cloth. Knead the dough into a saucer-shaped patty and roll out slowly, using lots of flour, working from the center. This dough will crack, so roll it a couple inches larger then necessary. Check your size against the bottom disk of your pastry ring. Trim dough to 1" to 1 1/2" around the disk (I use a pastry wheel, the jagged kind). Slip the disk under the rolled dough. I place a bowl inside the ring, set the disk with the dough on it on the bowl, and then gently lift the ring at an angle while lifting the edge of the dough around the ring. Repair tears with egg white and extra dough. Brush pastry with egg white. Pierce all over with fork. Then trim pastry with sharp knife always cutting away from center of the pan. (You do not need to grease the pastry ring. The butter in the dough keeps it from sticking.)

THE CUSTARD: You can use either sour cream or whipping cream or both in the custard. You're on the home stretch now. 16 oz sour cream or whipping cream (or 8 oz of each) 4 egg yolks 1/2 pound of grated jack cheese Pinch of nutmeg Combine in a mixing bowl and stir it all up with a whisk.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: Really, this is worth all the trouble, so let's press on. Cut some approximately 1/8" square rods of EXTRA SHARP cheddar cheese and place them like spokes in the bottom of the pastry shell. Spoon in the mushroom/onion mixture. Spoon custard over the whole shebang. Lay down some more rods of cheddar cheese on the custard. Sprinkle on green onion chives. Some VERY thin slices of red or white onion can be a nice touch, too. Preheat oven to 400x. Cook for 40-50 minutes, rotating it occasionally. It'll puff up pretty high while its cooking. Watch the center. It needs to puff up too and brown. I've been cooking this for over fifteen years and still chicken out sometimes and take it out before its completely done (it's still good but a bit runny in the middle). Let cook until it's dark brown. You won't believe how good this is.